Chaos Supreme

A dry night. Only Saturday early morning in my waking mind I mistook the morning as winter being on the way. A nudge reminded me that summer hasn't even arrived. Perhaps it did today. The weather is so fucked up. Words come hard to me. I am crap with them. I can't write at all. But I want to plod on trying to keep a blog. I wasn't any good really with scripts; exams. I find it difficult to explain myself most of the time so maybe this will help. I can feel, am so good at empathy - but that has been shut down recently which has been a tonic. I feel a continuous chaotic failure - that's hard when I used to be quite creative. If I could shut down all conversations that go on around me - tune out. But I listen to the grumblings around me at work or in the shop and I always wonder - is this it. I've never 'fitted' the brief. No image style, not part of a gang or a clique, black sheep perhaps. I don't care about that at all, but growing into my 40s I have lost whatever identity I conjured up. You are supposed to blend in then to the 35-45 bracket or something like that. We need more space. Our house is so small and the financial state is bleak. I'm sick of Facebook. There has to be more to life than FB. Well that's all for tonight. ..